Wet Paint

I have been working on our five-year plan and am feeling inspired to do better for my self and my family.  It’s amazing how talking it out and putting it all down on paper is so motivational.  In a world where perception is not always reality, anything on paper seems more Real.  Putting a date on it puts it within reach instead of some far off dream-life.  Figuring out how to make a five-year plan was not so easy. Everything I found was vague or trying to sell something.  I didn’t like the way it was going initially so started over after reading several how-to’s.  I also watched some how-to’s on wordpress so hopefully my blog will improve.

I’m a spreadsheet lover, excel spreadsheets to be exact. I have multiple notebooks of different sizes at any given time to write my numerous lists.  I learned excel at, of all places, the titty bar.  I didn’t start there as a dancer, I was a cook.  I spent my days frying chicken wings and putting salt and MSG on everything so customers would drink more.  I had danced before but not there.  I became friends with the manager because he was always in the kitchen cooking, I have never seen a man eat so much food on a daily basis but he had a recipe for everything.  Believe it or not the turnover in a place like that is pretty high, so eventually I was running the kitchen, then doing payroll for the whole place.  All organized on excel that the manager taught me to use.  I ended up staying pretty sober for day shift and getting plastered and dancing on night shift.  I lived at that place, it was my life.  All those dysfunctional women and their drama and drugs became my norm.  I was drinking myself unconscious every night when I got pregnant and immediately dried out.  Five years of drunk to stone cold sober after one early morning pee.  I saved the stick, it’s in my daughters baby book.  And she saved me.  I thank whatever may be god everyday for her.  And oddly enough for the skills I learned at a strip club.

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2 thoughts on “Wet Paint

  1. I know my children are the reason that I try to be better. Every day I look at them and know that I need to be all that I can for them. Seeing the pain and fear in their eyes when I fall apart is something I never, ever want to see again. They are the reason I am where I am today. They changed my world, and continue to do so every single day.

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