There are people out there, mean nasty people who will bring you down, people living in crisis who will only drag you into their drama. There are jobs out there. High stress, super demanding, people dying jobs. I don’t want to take care of people anymore, (I was a nurse in my most recent life) people suck and seem to not even want taken care of, even when they are sick and dying. I tried to get a factory job for a while but all I had on my resume was nursing, apparently you need experience to work in a factory(the bitch said). I have experience, just it was over ten years ago. Nevermind, I’ll just forget to show up one day, I’ll be walking around cleaning or something thinking there was something I’m supposed to do. Or someone will intimidate me with their presence and it will be terrifying to go in, so I won’t. Or someone will be nice to me and I’ll convince myself they are a government spy on Monday and by Tuesday they are trying to lure me into a trap to keep me as their baby maker in their basement. Or even worse; someone will be mean to me, my soul will be crushed, I’ll forget how to walk and talk and act right. I will no longer be able to fake any sense of normalcy, so I will leave before someone sees me cry.
Not to mention the grocery store. Who new how terrifying it could be to steer a cart through a crush of payday people all scrambling for the same things you are. And then when you forget to try to make eye contact with anyone you cut off with said cart, offer an apologetic smile, and the next time your paths cross you carts accidentally bump and you know grocery cart road rage is burning in your heart but still, smile apologetically and go to the other side of the store. Where the smell of tires and used motor oil permeating everything home improvement is soothing and the quiet calms me back down. Proceed to checkout where for whatever reason the cashier always hates me and I forget I was supposed to bring my husband so they wouldn’t be rude.
Forget the bank, that’s just not happening. Those bitches have it out for me, the hate is palpable. My debit card expired so I will never see that money again. Did they ever give m the title for that car i finally paid off, I’ll never know.
I believe I’ll just stay home today, thank you. I won’t answer my phone because I don’t know who it might be, so don’t bother to call.