Let Sleeping Dragons Lie

I’m nervous this week because I have an upcoming doctor appointment with my prescriber.  She will increase my Abilify and probably the Effexor too.  This means another few weeks of adjusting to side effects ugh.  I believe my Lithium levels should be at a therapeutic level finally, it makes me really thirsty and I was flushing most of it, so I cut down on my water chugging.  I don’t think she believed I was taking it like I should because you know us bipolar people, we don’t take our meds.  My usual therapist is out of town for the next six months, not a rare occurrence wit army care.  I was pretty used to her because I was borderline manic when we met and spilling my guts was just natural.  I feel more reserved now and I’m not sure I can make myself understood to a stranger.  Strangers in general make me nervous, strange men even more sostock-photo-21257718-handsome-male-doctor-using-a-digital-tablet.  God forbid he be good looking, I won’t be able to speak at all.  Beautiful people scare me, man or woman, it’s like the exist on this whole other plane from me where everything is sunshine and candy.  Some cosmic joke blessed them with intelligence, beauty and enough people skills to help someone else.  Brings out the pity party in me.  He was probably picked first for dodgeball in gym a no one ever threw a ball at that pretty face.  Ugh, I’ll stop now. Telling my problems to someone I perceive in that way is a huge hurdle.  I know in the front of my mind it is an unrealistic perception, just like the robot flies and government plots, but tell that to the dragon. His perceptions shadow all of mine to a certain extent, sleeping or awake. There is no reasoning with the dragon.

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7 thoughts on “Let Sleeping Dragons Lie

  1. lol I know this isn’t a happy post but you really make me laugh! My favorite kind of doctors are the kind that look like plump little grandmothers. There is just something about wrinkles and gray hair that make a woman trustworthy. Have you tried keeping a dietary journal to see if any types of foods can trigger an episode? My sister has bipolar and has found out that eating a lot of sugars and starches can send her into a depressive phase.

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  2. Maybe your doctor will have more info about it. I know my sister tried to simplify her diet when she started and then slowly added things back in to see if they made a change. She still eats sugars just more infrequently and during a manic phase she’s a soothing herbal tea or a glass of red wine really helps to settle her. I don’t know what hypermanic is but she’s described hers to me as like a train coming too fast into the station. I hope everything works out for you and maybe you won’t have to be on meds that make you feel yucky. hugs

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