I’m nervous this week because I have an upcoming doctor appointment with my prescriber. She will increase my Abilify and probably the Effexor too. This means another few weeks of adjusting to side effects ugh. I believe my Lithium levels should be at a therapeutic level finally, it makes me really thirsty and I was flushing most of it, so I cut down on my water chugging. I don’t think she believed I was taking it like I should because you know us bipolar people, we don’t take our meds. My usual therapist is out of town for the next six months, not a rare occurrence wit army care. I was pretty used to her because I was borderline manic when we met and spilling my guts was just natural. I feel more reserved now and I’m not sure I can make myself understood to a stranger. Strangers in general make me nervous, strange men even more so. God forbid he be good looking, I won’t be able to speak at all. Beautiful people scare me, man or woman, it’s like the exist on this whole other plane from me where everything is sunshine and candy. Some cosmic joke blessed them with intelligence, beauty and enough people skills to help someone else. Brings out the pity party in me. He was probably picked first for dodgeball in gym a no one ever threw a ball at that pretty face. Ugh, I’ll stop now. Telling my problems to someone I perceive in that way is a huge hurdle. I know in the front of my mind it is an unrealistic perception, just like the robot flies and government plots, but tell that to the dragon. His perceptions shadow all of mine to a certain extent, sleeping or awake. There is no reasoning with the dragon.