Doctors

As I await my annual ‘how you doin?’ from my prescriber, two random people in uniforms come into the waiting room and look right at me saying my name. I know right? What the shit? I wouldn’t have been as startled but I just filled out a computer survey documenting aspects of my depression.  I was immediately sure they were there to lock me up because I am absolutely a paranoid suicidal nut with access to a gun.  My stomach clenched and my heart rate skyrocketed, my body was screaming RUN! My brain was screaming nothing but gibberish. So I calmly get up and walk down the hall with one leading and one following.  When the keys come out and hit the lock I come pretty close to hitting the floor, I have no idea how I maintained my dignity and didn’t wet myself.  They walk me into a typical office and start taking my blood pressure, and I start crying.  They have no idea what’s happening and I am in no condition to translate my emotions.  I was so relieved they weren’t locking me up and so frightened at my own craziness.  So when the doctor asked her ‘how r u’ I said not great. Guess what? A new pill and an increase on two, wish me luck with this cocktail.

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