Another Day in the Psuedo-Life of

Does it mean you are abusing your meds if you are feeling so bad and you know this one med will give you enough energy to at least clean your house and you do it, you take one extra?  I have a long history of drug and alcohol abuse so I really feel I’m walking a narrow line here.  I feel uncomfortable that I did it, but I don’t regret feeling like I could get something done today.  My house is now presentable, ( I didn’t mop or anything too great) I dressed myself and I fed myself.  I may even bathe myself.  No lets not go too far, I’ll put on my jammies and patiently wait for the clock to read an appropriate time to go to bed.  Society (and husbands) frown upon people who go to bed at five o’clock. Nothing like stapling two comforters over your window to black out the sun and sleeping all day.  I hope the next time I go Debbie Downer my youngest is in kindergarten and I’ll have all day to mope in bed.  Get a box of tissues and just lay there.  Sounds like heaven.  My legs are tingling just thinking about it.  Wallowing in your own misery is not exactly the cure for depression but it would be nice once in a while to be able to put it all on hold so I could regroup myself in peace.  A chance to just get it all out.  Maybe that would be a cure of sorts.  Or maybe the only thing holding me together is the fact that I don’t get a chance to do that.  If life didn’t beckon so strongly, would I not try so hard?

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