And Then Life Happens

I haven’t posted in a while because I have been in a bit of a funk.  I have been taking my ten year old daughter to see a therapist who recommended some further testing.  She has been diagnosed as bipolar and it breaks my heart.  I don’t want to see her go through all the horrible things I went through.  Such painful emotional extremes piled on top of the difficulties of being a teen.  She seems too young, too delicate.  This is my baby, how could something so horrible be happening inside of her?  How am I, as dysfunctional as I am, going to get her through this?  How do I teach her to deal with these things when I am so recently diagnosed myself?

Things to be thankful for.  Ummmm.   Well, we got an early diagnosis so she won’t be going through this in the dark.  I have a lot of understanding for the things she is feeling because I have gone through it myself.  We have excellent healthcare available to us for her because of hubby’s job.

But I can’t stop dwelling on the sad.  I am devastated.  Of course I suspected or I wouldn’t have been taking her but I kept thinking that it was ADD or just behavioral.  I would rather be told that I’m a bad parent than that my daughter has a poorly understood and difficult to treat emotional disorder.  She is my angel, no matter how crazy it’s been or how crazy it’s going to get.  I don’t want her to have to go through this.  What a roller coaster ride of emotion life is for any preteen,  throw in bipolar disorder and your pre-set to dysfunction and failure in so many ways.  How do I get her through this with the least amount of damage possible?  Do I medicate?  God the meds…… A whole nother roller coaster all it’s own.  How does a child deal with this?  I know now that I was a bipolar teen, but at ten?  Such an impressionable age.  When did it start?  Could I have been taking her for treatment all this time?

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3 thoughts on “And Then Life Happens

  1. Looking back, I believe I was bipolar as far back as I can remember. I remember doing manic things in the first grade for attention. What a difference your daughter will have! Your knowledge and understanding plus meds as needed? She should be able to live a healthy well balanced life. My 27 year old has bipolar and has a Masters degree. She teaches emotionally difficult children. She does very well and is only on two meds. Thinking of you. http://lilypupslife.wordpress.com/

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  2. Sounds very much like myself and my daughter when she was very young. I was untreated for bipolar at the time and had could perceive that she would someday show signs of bipolar. She went through a gambit of psych testing that indicated she has ADHD. I was warned that this may also develop into bipolar later on. She lived on ADHD meds up until her middle school years. Weaned herself off without my knowledge.
    I thought she was doing just fine without them as my illness was exacerbating at a rapid pace . By the time I was faced with the reality that I had bipolar, I still denied that she could be suffering the same. The signs were right in front of me but I refused to believe it as i refused to believe my own diagnosis. It wasn’t until I finally accepted my own dx and properly treated that her behavioral signs indicated she had the same. It wasn’t until her second year pf college her who said, “Mom I need help”

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  3. Reblogged this on blackboxnurse and commented:
    I understand her genetic illness struggle this writer is suffering. Their is nothing more devastating than to learn that such a traumatic chronic illness has been passed on to your offspring. I can relate to this woman’s heartbreak.

    Liked by 1 person

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