I haven’t posted in a while because I have been in a bit of a funk. I have been taking my ten year old daughter to see a therapist who recommended some further testing. She has been diagnosed as bipolar and it breaks my heart. I don’t want to see her go through all the horrible things I went through. Such painful emotional extremes piled on top of the difficulties of being a teen. She seems too young, too delicate. This is my baby, how could something so horrible be happening inside of her? How am I, as dysfunctional as I am, going to get her through this? How do I teach her to deal with these things when I am so recently diagnosed myself?
Things to be thankful for. Ummmm. Well, we got an early diagnosis so she won’t be going through this in the dark. I have a lot of understanding for the things she is feeling because I have gone through it myself. We have excellent healthcare available to us for her because of hubby’s job.
But I can’t stop dwelling on the sad. I am devastated. Of course I suspected or I wouldn’t have been taking her but I kept thinking that it was ADD or just behavioral. I would rather be told that I’m a bad parent than that my daughter has a poorly understood and difficult to treat emotional disorder. She is my angel, no matter how crazy it’s been or how crazy it’s going to get. I don’t want her to have to go through this. What a roller coaster ride of emotion life is for any preteen, throw in bipolar disorder and your pre-set to dysfunction and failure in so many ways. How do I get her through this with the least amount of damage possible? Do I medicate? God the meds…… A whole nother roller coaster all it’s own. How does a child deal with this? I know now that I was a bipolar teen, but at ten? Such an impressionable age. When did it start? Could I have been taking her for treatment all this time?