And Then Life Happens

I haven’t posted in a while because I have been in a bit of a funk.  I have been taking my ten year old daughter to see a therapist who recommended some further testing.  She has been diagnosed as bipolar and it breaks my heart.  I don’t want to see her go through all the horrible things I went through.  Such painful emotional extremes piled on top of the difficulties of being a teen.  She seems too young, too delicate.  This is my baby, how could something so horrible be happening inside of her?  How am I, as dysfunctional as I am, going to get her through this?  How do I teach her to deal with these things when I am so recently diagnosed myself?

Things to be thankful for.  Ummmm.   Well, we got an early diagnosis so she won’t be going through this in the dark.  I have a lot of understanding for the things she is feeling because I have gone through it myself.  We have excellent healthcare available to us for her because of hubby’s job.

But I can’t stop dwelling on the sad.  I am devastated.  Of course I suspected or I wouldn’t have been taking her but I kept thinking that it was ADD or just behavioral.  I would rather be told that I’m a bad parent than that my daughter has a poorly understood and difficult to treat emotional disorder.  She is my angel, no matter how crazy it’s been or how crazy it’s going to get.  I don’t want her to have to go through this.  What a roller coaster ride of emotion life is for any preteen,  throw in bipolar disorder and your pre-set to dysfunction and failure in so many ways.  How do I get her through this with the least amount of damage possible?  Do I medicate?  God the meds…… A whole nother roller coaster all it’s own.  How does a child deal with this?  I know now that I was a bipolar teen, but at ten?  Such an impressionable age.  When did it start?  Could I have been taking her for treatment all this time?

3 thoughts on “And Then Life Happens

  1. Looking back, I believe I was bipolar as far back as I can remember. I remember doing manic things in the first grade for attention. What a difference your daughter will have! Your knowledge and understanding plus meds as needed? She should be able to live a healthy well balanced life. My 27 year old has bipolar and has a Masters degree. She teaches emotionally difficult children. She does very well and is only on two meds. Thinking of you.


  2. Sounds very much like myself and my daughter when she was very young. I was untreated for bipolar at the time and had could perceive that she would someday show signs of bipolar. She went through a gambit of psych testing that indicated she has ADHD. I was warned that this may also develop into bipolar later on. She lived on ADHD meds up until her middle school years. Weaned herself off without my knowledge.
    I thought she was doing just fine without them as my illness was exacerbating at a rapid pace . By the time I was faced with the reality that I had bipolar, I still denied that she could be suffering the same. The signs were right in front of me but I refused to believe it as i refused to believe my own diagnosis. It wasn’t until I finally accepted my own dx and properly treated that her behavioral signs indicated she had the same. It wasn’t until her second year pf college her who said, “Mom I need help”

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Reblogged this on blackboxnurse and commented:
    I understand her genetic illness struggle this writer is suffering. Their is nothing more devastating than to learn that such a traumatic chronic illness has been passed on to your offspring. I can relate to this woman’s heartbreak.

    Liked by 1 person

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