Looking Ahead

Contemplating decisions for the future.

    Well I decided that maybe lapband surgery is not for me right now.  I’m chicken for one thing and second- it was an idea that came to me while I was not in the best frame of mind, so follow through may need a bit more thought.  As far as homesteading goes; it  is still my dream but I am wondering if it is at all feasible.  If several months of every year are spent in bed fighting to just breathe then how am I going to take care of a small farm?  Do the animals work like kids? you just do it?  The one thing that gets me up and moving is my kids. Having grown up on a farm I lack an emotional attachment to animals.  It is just part of farm life. Animals get butchered or they get sick or injured.  We lived near a highway so losing a beloved dog to the road traffic was a regular occurrence.   Or losing a flock of chickens to a beloved dog.  I don’t think I would feel the same need to take care of a farm animal as I do my children.  I fear I would fail them.   Planting a huge garden is all well and good until you can’t bring yourself to get up and harvest the fruits of your labor.  By no means was this last depressive episode as bad as it could have been or even typically bad, but so many things got thrown to the wayside anyway.  Losing a part of your life that you work so hard to build on a regular basis can be disheartening.  And on a homestead it can be disastrous.  Maybe I am still feeling a little hopeless and blue but I hate to set my self up for failure.  I get so high up and then I crash so hard.  The world is my oyster and then I am trapped inside that oyster.  I’m rambling today.  Lacking focus and drive.

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