Even when I feel like I am doing ok, things I say still shock people. Apparently I am still coming off as depressed and crazy because I got another increase of my Effexor and she wanted to put me back on lamictal for the cameras and music hallucinations and increase my abilify-again. Lamictal makes me soooo tired. I talked her down to just the Effexor. My inability to talk without crying may have had something to do with the Effexor increase. I just tear up, even with a smile on my face. The music I hear and the paranoia about cameras are relatively harmless, I have never explained the robot flies to her. Luckily I am able to recognize that they are not real and know not to act on any impulses that may be associated with a hallucination. It really freaked my husband out when I told him about the music a couple years ago, I think that’s when he finally realized I was sick and not just making it up or being lazy.
It’s funny how unafflicted people lack any concept of what a mentally ill person is going through. My spouse has never suffered depression and was reluctant to believe that it was really a thing, he thought I had hepatitis or just wanted a divorce. No matter how much literature I threw at him, he just couldn’t grasp. How do you explain a lack of desire to live life to someone so full of life. Walking around in your bathrobe for months on end doesn’t get your point across, but tell them you hear music or voices and BAM!-YOUR NUTS! You can make excuses for just about anything else but hallucinations, they are certified.