Feeling Good or Feeling Too Good?

I’m searching for an outlet for my newfound energy, potentially hypomania or mixed state.  I have such a hard time telling until its over that I have been manic or depressed.  Either way my brain is working and I’m searching wordpress for stimulation, relief, that ah-ha moment, inspiration and solace.  I am in need.  I have been in a fog for months and now I find myself caring and motivated, a little bit obsessed with my own bipolar journey and desperate for human confirmation that I am not alone.  Why this platform for my search?  I am safe behind the screen of my computer, sitting in the shelter of my own home with the ability to turn off and turn away anything that makes me feel uncomfortable or hurt.  I can’t do that out in the real world where people can simply overpower my own weakened personality.  They can stomp my soul into the dirt and not even know it due to my hypersensitivity and low self esteem.  I’m scared out there and I feel empowered here.  I love the sensation of my fingers on the keyboard and the feeling of healing that it brings.  Because of my six month hiatus from blogging, the people I know in person are not watching for my next post to stay updated on my status.  Nobody knows I am blogging again.  And that is good to me, I have my own secret outlet for my hopes, dreams, frustrations and fears. I can come here to be alone and I can come here to reach out.  This is me reaching out.  This is where I bare my soul and say “Accept me for what I am, all my flaws and all my strengths.  And if you hurt me I will delete you.”

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2 thoughts on “Feeling Good or Feeling Too Good?

  1. Wouldn’t that be a great super-hero power in real life? “If you hurt me, I will delete you.” Awesome.

    Well, how cool to find you when you decided to come back online (she said selfishly). I absolutely get that feeling of power and safety at the keyboard. And this should be a safe place to be exactly who you are.

    I had some close friends and family who became very disturbed by my blog. It scared them and made them make assumptions based on their own fears. I asked them to stop reading for their own sake and for mine. I needed them in my real life, dealing with me face to face. It’s better now.

    I’m glad you came back. I’m glad I found you.

    Liked by 1 person

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