I am coming to grips with the fact that I will never make a good homesteader. For any God’s sake! I am bipolar! I hibernate part of every year like a bear. I don’t get dressed, clean or even do basic personal hygiene let alone take care of animals and plants. Sure I do great when dysthymic or hypomanic and fabulously when full blown manic. But I spend the majority of my time fighting the depression and doing nothing. Any kind of responsibility is just a disaster waiting to happen. I”m feeling really bad about flaking out on the community garden. It was my responsibility to mow and make sure people were maintaining their plots. I couldn’t even maintain my own plot. Now they are fighting being shut down for being unkempt. I am pretty sure they got a stay of execution, but with no help from me. Luckily there was a strong personality waiting in the wings who stepped up when the need arose. My abdication. My admittance to being a huge failure-again. Kind-of admittance. I told everyone I was sick and having surgery, and then of course I was recovering from said imaginary surgery. Guilty feelings here. It just seemed so much easier than advertising by email and facebook that I am bipolar and struggling again with an all-consuming depression and barely holding onto my sanity. I know people who suffer from mental illness speak of the stigma found in society towards the mentally ill. I think I hold that stigma myself. I have gone to great lengths to avoid telling people about my illness, I am in hiding.