My self-esteem is pretty low right now. Coming out of this last depression and I’m left with the pieces to pick up. Everyone whose calls I didn’t answer and I blew off for this or that made up reason. They are all gone now. This has happened so many times I don’t have any friends left. Not one person from high school or an old job, half my family, nobody. I feel very alone. I can’t even rightfully feel sorry for myself because it is my own fault, my own faults. The ugliness of the disease. I read an article that said bipolar disorder is incurable, the best we can hope for is to manage our symptoms to improve our level of function. That got me down a little too. So I’ll always cycle, I’m just managing the degree to which I do it. Time to embrace bipolar and stop fighting it, stop hiding it. Maybe I’ll throw it up on my facebook page and be done with it. I don’t know why it matters, I never see any of those people anyway. All those old friends that have fallen by the wayside. What will I say?
This post is to let you all know that it’s not you, it’s me. I’m diagnosed bipolar and can’t help but be a little nutty from time to time. I didn’t mean to repeatedly disappear on you all and I hope you can forgive me. I am interested in being friends again, but only temporarily as I will get depressed and dump you again later. Thank you for your time.
I’ve been dieting all week, 1400kcal a day. Stepped on the scale this morning and I have gained four pounds. Shit.