Money Woes and Manic Hoes

I woke up to an overdrawn bank account this morning, and its ten days until payday.  Not the first time this has happened but I have been doing so good on the money front lately.  I struggle with compulsively shopping when I am anxious or depressed but that hasn’t really been a problem lately, I thought.  I guess I need to read the warning sign for what it is and face the fact that I may be hypomanic again.  We all know that spending money you don’t have is a sign and there is no denying that is what I have been doing.  How can a person be so separated from their own emotional state?  How can you not recognize an episode for what it is.  Increased energy, increased spending.  What other signs are there that I am not seeing.  I’m happy, I’m in a good mood.  Why does that have to be a bad thing?  Now I will be second guessing every move I make, every thought I have.  I’ll be evaluating my every move for signs that it has gone too far.  Then will there be the inevitable crash when it’s over?  Is my dosage of Depakote high enough to prevent the downward slide, do I need to see the doctor.  Who goes to the doctor for feeling good? WTF.  It is by all means a minor episode, I still keep my clothes on and I haven’t maxed out all the credit cards. I’m not drinking or doing drugs, unless you count pre-workout punch.  That could be what triggered it.  Massive doses of caffeine and pre-workout. A hypomanic episode, I must admit is not all bad, good vibes so far.  As long as the paranoia and hallucinations don’t kick in, I’ll be fine, right?

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