I feel like I need to cheer the fuck up. Ed’s condition is suddenly hitting me hard and I can’t let it. I can’t go down that road again. My lack of mood regulating neurotransmitters…blah blah blah, you know what happens if I let myself dwell. So I’ll avoid, I won’t think about it. I’ll call once a day to check in and that’s it. I’ll take my little walks and follow my meal plan, because those are things I have control over. I have no control over life and death. I can’t be there to help Ed right now. His daughter needs me more. I have to be present in the here and now.
On a lighter note; I have reached one hundred followers today. I thought there might be some kind of fanfare, but no. Anticlimactic I guess. There is one follower that I don’t see posting anymore and I have to say I hope she’s doing well in life. I feel like I abandoned her when I stopped blogging for a while this last time. She was young and reaching out to the world, and I dropped off the face of the planet. I hope she’s okay. We are all so messed up in our own ways and wrapped up in our own lives that I think we forget that there are delicate souls out there that just a word or two might help. Minor as our roles may be there are people out there who count on us, who find security in hearing from us on a semi-daily basis. Or multiple times some days. So I’ll take charge of my own life and try to be as consistent as possible with my parenting, diet and exercise, and with my blogging.