Plodding Along

My mood is down today.  I’m feeling blah.  It may just be because I’m running low on sleep, I haven’t got a full eight hours in several days.  There is always the fear that it’s the beginning of a downward slide.  My mental state is so fluid, can change so abruptly, I never know.  I don’t want to get sucked into that thought though, I don’t want to feed into it.  I’ll just pretend I’m still feeling good until I really do.

I dreamt of an old boyfriend last night.  A guy I dated when I was just a mixed up kid.  I suddenly have the need to know he is doing okay.  Probably not.  I broke his heart because I had to get away from the drugs we were into.  I doubt he ever cleaned up, so few people do once they are in that heavy.  I guess I should be feeling pretty good about myself, being sober and all.  I feel bad for all the damage I did.

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One thought on “Plodding Along

  1. It’s awful the way depression just seems to hover above and behind us, waiting to swoop in unannounced. Pretending to feel good until you actually do is sometimes the only thing to do. I also understand that you feel bad for past damages, but I think it’s important to try to forgive yourself and move forward. I do have to admit, though, that’s easier said than done.

    Liked by 1 person

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