My mood is down today. I’m feeling blah. It may just be because I’m running low on sleep, I haven’t got a full eight hours in several days. There is always the fear that it’s the beginning of a downward slide. My mental state is so fluid, can change so abruptly, I never know. I don’t want to get sucked into that thought though, I don’t want to feed into it. I’ll just pretend I’m still feeling good until I really do.
I dreamt of an old boyfriend last night. A guy I dated when I was just a mixed up kid. I suddenly have the need to know he is doing okay. Probably not. I broke his heart because I had to get away from the drugs we were into. I doubt he ever cleaned up, so few people do once they are in that heavy. I guess I should be feeling pretty good about myself, being sober and all. I feel bad for all the damage I did.