Decisions

I’m posting again because I made a huge decision while I was taking that walk I didn’t want to go on.  My oldest went with me and as some of you know her dad is terminally ill and close to the end.  His doctors have recommended he stop the chemo because it’s killing him but he is determined to fight this thing.  Mo and I talked a lot during our walk and she wants to be with her dad.  So I am going to pull her out of the last two months of school and home school her.  We are driving to her dad’s this weekend to be there with him.  I am scared to death, what if I mess something up and she has to repeat the fifth grade, what if the school gives me a hard time?  I have to walk into that school building tomorrow and withdraw her.  Will they be rude, or condescending, will they judge?  I am supposed to walk in with this little slip of paper called a declaration of intent and they’ll all of a sudden be okay with her not showing up?  Seems too easy to be true.  I don’t want to mess this up for her, I don’t want to go to jail for my kid not going to school either.  I filled out all the online forms and uploaded all the documents to k12 to feel a little more secure in the fact that she is not quitting school.  I’m just so nervous about this.  Not to mention a twelve hour drive.  My two year old is not the best on car rides.  Plus I have made a life for myself here and I am resistant to leave all that behind despite the good reason.  I’m going to miss my spouse and my friends.  I will continue to work out and I will try to keep my diet on point but the erratic schedules and going with the flow will inevitably lead to some slip ups.  I feel like I have worked so hard on building a foundation here and I am just abandoning it, temporarily or not, it’s hard to do.  I feel like I’m in the wind and I could be blown off course.  I also feel bad for having all these selfish thoughts and worries.  I’m looking forward to seeing family and friends that I haven’t seen in a while, and of course I want to Mo to have this time with her dad.  He is my friend too and I would like to be there for him as much as I can.

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2 thoughts on “Decisions

  1. Your thoughts aren’t selfish. it is ok to take care of yourself and guard your mental and physical wellbeing , even while caring for others.

    Liked by 1 person

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