Fate

Well I finally made it to Ohio, kids in tow.  We are staying a couple nights with my mom to get in a much needed visit and recharge after the long drive.  I couldn’t help but to keep thinking we shouldn’t be coming, that somehow I was making a huge mistake.  I kept seeing signs from the gods, or whatever, telling me to turn around.  Little stuff like lots of red lights or heavy traffic.  I know that these were just everyday occurrences, but my warped perception sees signs wherever I look when I am under stress. I have based a lot of bad decisions in my life off of these signs but I have learned to recognized them for what they truly are; normal stuff.

This mistake I feel I am making has no substance, it’s just a compilation of my anxiety towards the whole situation.  There is a lot of new stuff going on in my life right now.  I’m worried my friends will think I abandoned them and will not want to play with me when I get back.  I’m worried about Mo and the whole school situation.  I worry my youngest will be confused by the change in routine.  I’m worried about Ed and how Mo will handle his death.  I’m worried….about everything right now.  To the point I can’t even articulate everything.

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