Well I finally made it to Ohio, kids in tow. We are staying a couple nights with my mom to get in a much needed visit and recharge after the long drive. I couldn’t help but to keep thinking we shouldn’t be coming, that somehow I was making a huge mistake. I kept seeing signs from the gods, or whatever, telling me to turn around. Little stuff like lots of red lights or heavy traffic. I know that these were just everyday occurrences, but my warped perception sees signs wherever I look when I am under stress. I have based a lot of bad decisions in my life off of these signs but I have learned to recognized them for what they truly are; normal stuff.
This mistake I feel I am making has no substance, it’s just a compilation of my anxiety towards the whole situation. There is a lot of new stuff going on in my life right now. I’m worried my friends will think I abandoned them and will not want to play with me when I get back. I’m worried about Mo and the whole school situation. I worry my youngest will be confused by the change in routine. I’m worried about Ed and how Mo will handle his death. I’m worried….about everything right now. To the point I can’t even articulate everything.