All snugged up in bed surrounded by the smell of cigarettes and staring at a half empty beer bottle. None of it’s mine. We are staying with Mo’s sister because her dad’s house was just too dirty for the kids. She’s an alcoholic chain smoker and we are sleeping in the only room in the house that she smokes in, she already warned me that she will be up here through the night to smoke and hopes she doesn’t wake us up. Jeez. I’m pretty sure she was hammered when we got here. I’m kind of between a rock and a hard place with the sleeping arrangements though, it’s either here or there, neither being a good option. I’m struggling with the cigarettes somewhat, at first they just smelled heavenly, now they burn my nose and stink a lot. I find myself vaping more to compensate. I don’t want the booze and that makes me feel pretty proud of myself, I’m seriously not even tempted. Boy have I come a long way. It’s always uncomfortable staying at someone else’s house, I miss the comforts of home.
I saw Ed at the rehab unit today, he was in good spirits and had lots of visitors. He got tired pretty quick though and we left him to rest. He looked about like any cancer patient looks, hairless and emaciated. I don’t know what I can do for him other than visit him, circumstances being what they are. If he was home I could help him out but being in the rehab unit he is pretty well taken care of. I feel kind of useless, here I came with all these grand plans of caregiving and I feel I’m maybe in the way. Mo is happy to be here, and that’s the real reason for coming anyway.
Homeschooling is discouraging so far, we can’t really get started because there are so many materials we need coming in the mail. She is working on art, spelling and vocabulary, those being the only things not requiring a workbook. I’m afraid if we get too far behind we won’t be able to catch up. I spend as much time as possible on the website reading instructions and introductions, putting together supply lists and doing as much prep as possible. I don’t want to be in over my head.
My personal fitness goals have fallen by the wayside through all this. My exercises aren’t getting done and my diet is crap. I ate a bologna sandwich for dinner. My mood all around this evening is discouraged I guess.