Mania

Still leaning heavily towards manic.  I went for a two mile walk this morning and then cleaned the entire house in the midst of which, Mo and I knocked out the days schoolwork.  I’ve got laundry and the dishwasher going and even showered and put on fresh clothes after my walk.  You may be thinking to yourself, “This sounds great< these are all good things.”  But No.  I feel like I am going to explode, I keep moving to keep from twitching and shaking.  I am one uptight ball of anxiety. I’m short-tempered and snappy.  I’ve got multiple projects going and multiple projects running through my head, the bad part is everything gets half-assed so that I can move on more quickly to the next thing.  I’m dying for some social interaction, yet I get so impatient waiting for the other person to shut up so I can talk that I am cutting people off and getting those looks that mean my speech is pressured.  I have spent all our money and some we didn’t even have, I treated myself to a mother’s day shopping spree compliments of my credit card.  I am currently infatuated with the idea of buying a boat and sailing across the world, we’ll go to the Caribbean and Fiji and every place that sounds remotely exotic.  So far I’ve limited this new obsession to pinterest and a couple of book purchases from Amazon.  But I can’t stop thinking about it.  I bought everything I could find with an anchor on it sunday.  Anchors!!  My new favorite thing.  I refuse to sink and all that.The terrible thing is, I know I am manic, I know the things I am doing are not healthy or conducive to saving money and making friends.  I just can’t stop! How do I stop?  I want desperately to slow down.  I may take a trazadone at bedtime tonight and see if that helps, it can’t hurt to try, that stuff turned me into the walking dead before.  One strange thing, I’m sleeping fine.  Eight hours a night like clockwork.  I hit the bed and I am out for at least a couple hours at a time.  I have rarely in my life slept that good.  It’s been one sleeping pill after another my entire adult life and ever since I started the Zoloft I sleep so good with no sleep meds.  I know though, go into the doc saying I’m sleeping good and they will never believe I’m manic being our first visit and all.  I’ll gloss over the fact that I can sleep or even outright lie and tell them I’m sleeping less, which is actually partly true, I’ve been a chronic twelve hours a night for the past few years and eight hours right now seems to do me just fine. I’m also having episodes of euphoria, I’ll just get all warm and tingly and feel really good for like thirty seconds and then I’ll catch myself thinking life is wonderful and then it’s Oh Shit! I’ve Got It Bad This Time!! I’m rambling. I’ll stop.

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