Monday is Weigh Day

It’s Monday again and here goes the weigh in…..241.4 lbs.  That’s down 6/10 of a pound and with my shoes on.  I can’t complain as I didn’t make it to the gym all week  because the baby was too sick for daycare.  I feel guilty for all the crap I have been eating, pizza and cookies yesterday, but sunday is supposed to be my cheat day.  It would work out if I didn’t cheat on other days though.  I just know I would be making more progress if I could get my eating under control.  So I will start the morning with a kale smoothie.  Recipe as follows-1 Cup kale, all smooshed in there so you get a lot, half an apple, 1 Cup frozen fruit of choice, 1 scoop vanilla protein powder, 8 oz almond milk.  Sometimes I get froggy and throw in half a banana, but I don’t really like bananas, I just know they are good for you.  I have a new ingredient to add this week, 2 Tbs of this mixture my sister gave me from Young Living called Mindwise, it has a bunch of junk in it that is good for your memory I guess.  I can’t say I really know much about it.  But I’m in the mood to try new things and there is nothing harmful in it.  Strangly enough the mineral lithium ororate is an ingredient along with pomegranate, acai, some proprietary EO blends, CoQ10, D3, sacha inchi nut oil, you get the idea.  Worth a try in my book, lithium was my favorite med until it started jacking up my thyroid.

I made it to the gym this morning but had a hard time getting into my workout.  I didn’t even do my squats and it’s leg day,  I can’t get over my awkwardness when other people are there, in the same room.  There was no bar in the rack and I didn’t know which bar to get and was afraid of looking like a complete idiot, so I just didn’t do it. I got in a half hour of cardio and some leg extensions and presses, I hope I’m sore tomorrow, I like it.  Makes me feel like I did something worthwhile.

On the topic of I’m an idiot.  In order to get disability it is my responsibility to provide proof that I am disabled.  Does my lack of ability to fill out forms prove anything?  I seriously can’t remember my whole job history over the past fifteen years, there were so many jobs.  In and out of jobs on a yearly basis.  Sometimes more frequently.  There are only three lines for job history.  I don’t know how I am supposed to fill out these forms, my brain is a strainer.  I hope my lawyer is on top of this shit because I am not.  Maybe I should call them.

Maybe I have a food hangover, I don’t know, but I feel like shit today and I ate like shit yesterday.  I’ll get in a good dinner tonight and see how I feel tomorrow, I hope this doesn’t mean I’m heading for a downswing, I can’t handle that shit right now.  I’m barely holding on as it is.  Everything is just so overwhelming and I worry so much.  I think I’m doing good and then my mom lectures me about cleaning.  Listen I have two kids and I am trying to keep it together lady.  I don’t know how much longer I can do this, I am exhausted.

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