Lately

Tomorrow is the big day on the Dr front.  It’s my first appointment with psychiatry here in Ohio.  I have been stressing about it all week, worrying that they won’t be cooperative with my chosen path or that they will flat out refuse to rewrite my referral for ECT.  Right now ECT is the shining light in my darkness, I feel like it is a chance, it is my hope that I will no longer be in the grips of this depressive cycle. I’m hoping for a compassionate doc who respects my opinions and insights into my own disease. I have learned to really advocate for myself after years spent with sub-par care from a crappy doc.

    I haven’t been too great about hitting the gym the last week or really doing any of the things that I do to keep out of the funk.  I haven’t been cooking or cleaning much, no meal prepping and lots of fast food.  I feel this is a downhill slide and I need to stop it in its tracks.  So Tuesday is the appointment in the morning but Wednesday is back to the gym.  Even though the drive to and from the Y makes me tired and stresses me, I feel the exercise balances out my mood and energy level overall.  I need to start doing some at home exercise videos or something to avoid that drive twice a day.  It is a half hour drive one way, that’s two hours a day driving if I hit the gym twice.  That is a lot if butt sitting that I don’t need lol.

  I’m still fiddling with the essential oils.  Actually spent way too much money on oils, pots, little vials, Shea butter, beeswax lots of stuff to make my own concoctions.  I made some great working lipbalm with frankincense and some deoderant with tea tree and lavender. It does not work as well as store bought, but that is just more incentive to shower on a regular basis.  I keep my diffuser necklace loaded with a mix of ylang-ylang, bergamot and a drop of vetiver.  The room diffuser runs any variety that I find blissful at the time and lavender at night.  I find I really enjoy the fragrance and my mood other than stress has been good.  I mixed up some anxiety inhalers for attacks when I am out and about with Clary sage, frankincense and chamomile.  I’ve used it twice now to good effect, even if just deep breathing and focusing on the aroma is all it takes and there is no actual nuerochemical benefit, it works for me. I’m in love with the smells and potential of it all.  I want to believe in the healing power if oils, but I am still skeptical.  I need this to work, I have invested quite a but of hope in it along with ECT. My next concoction will be facial cleanser pads to try to clear up this acne problem I got going on.  I have also made a nice scalp oil and refresher spray for my dreads.  I put soothing things like lavender in the oil because I’m having a lot of tugging and itchiness of my scalp due to the tightness of my roots being pulled. The refresher is distilled water and tea tree mostly to prevent any mildew issues from wetness when I shower.  I’m excited to make a muscle rub with copaiba and panaway from young living.  I won’t be ordering anymore from young living because I find that their labels and website don’t have all the information I am looking for.  Apparently the locations a plant is grown and distilled into oil has an effect on quality as well as things like picking the bloom before the sun comes out and such details I would like to know about. I’m liking rocky mountain oils for their labels and pricing as well.  I just placed an order and it’s on the way.  I’m cutting myself off financially for oils after this. I’ll just have to work with what I have and not buy anymore for a while.  

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