Its been a rough couple of days. Battling with my preteen on getting out of bed in the morning and getting off to school.  It was UGLY! She no longer has a bedroom door because I took it off the hinges because she kept locking me out in the morning so I couldn’t wake her up.  Her attitude really got to me. The hate and condescension in her voice was so hurtful.  I feel emotionally exhausted from the constant battling over every little thing.  Yesterday I was so far gone, I couldn’t stop crying and I resolved to go to inpatient Monday when my mom gets home.  I’m feeling much better today though.  I feel like I really dodged a bullet, the depression could have taken hold, I felt so tired of fighting it, I just wallowed in it.  I woke up today and it has passed, thankfully.  I just kept telling myself that everyone has bad days and it was okay to feel this way.  I’m no longer hysterical on the inside but I feel emotionally raw, like after a bad headache, how your still tender on the inside.  I feel like irreparable damage has been done to our relationship, I’m hesitant to put myself out there to be hurt by her again, I feel a wall building, my heart is not as open as it once was with her.  Its incredibly sad.  I’m sure lots of mothers go through this and I’m not alone, I remember how cruel I was to my own mom at that age, I’ve seen brothers and sisters go through the same thing.  Its harder when your the parent.  Its understandable that situations like this will arise again in the future too, with her emotional problems and the rough year she has had, I should have seen it coming.  She has an appointment with psychiatry march 1st and I am going to push for her to be treated for the ADHD, have her Vit D checked again and maybe they will reevaluate her bipolar meds.  I don’t want to watch her go through what I went through as a teenager.  Its hard on the most balanced kids, let alone my little snowflake with all her problems.


4 thoughts on “Shew!

  1. *hugs* I completely understand, my daughter is 13 and is going through a rough patch of depression and was recently hospitalized for suicidal thoughts. It’s tough to be there for them and to protect your own mental and emotional health.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I feel for ya. Been there. My daughter is now almost 24 and we get along much better now. She still has her moments and we can still clash from time to time, but I no longer feel the hate and contention between us. I hope in time it changes for you guys as well. I’m rootin’ for ya!

    Liked by 1 person

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