Out of Touch

I realise I have been absent lately and apologies for that. Once again life happened, well, more like once again I became so completely wrapped up in something that all else fell to the wayside.  This time aromatherapy certification, next time maybe massage or soap making.  This is a long established pattern in my life and I do realise it is unhealthy.  I’m an adept pupil, but when it comes to follow through I am lacking in many aspects.  I can now add aromatherapy certification to a long list of endeavors including: bread and cheese making,  sketching, ceramics, drywalling, plumbing, gardening, survival preparedness, bartending, line cook, homesteading, exotic dancing, mechanic, primitive artist, fitness guru, nurse, yoga and the list goes on and on.  I truly deeply hope that this is something I can stick with for the long term and not let it be the all encompassing but short lived fad of the year. My husband is less than happy with the cost of the course, and considering my track record who can blame him? It gets worse.

     I recently ordered a number of items to make my own aromatherapy necklaces to sell on etsy and at craft fairs. Going deeper into the craft, so to speak. I enjoyed many aspects of the craft fair circuit in my stint making home decor signs. I thoroughly love love love me some spreadsheets and this web program for makers called craftybase.      https://craftybase.com.  I like the idea of having my own home based business but we will see if I can stand up to the pressure again. I already failed once.  The pressure of selling my own work is hard on me, I never feel good enough.  Self esteem issues I know. I would like to not fail at something for once. I would like to be good enough, to live up to my own expectations and surpass others’.  To be good, really good, at something. I’m mediocre at everything I try, I can do it all, but being great at something is not an experience I’ve ever had.

  On the bipolar front: ECT treatments are elusive, it took a month to get my referral in the mail from the insurance company. Then they referred me to a regular psych clinic where the lady asked me “do they still do that?” when I mentioned ECT.  The only place that does it around here is apparently not ‘in network’, so I had to change insurance plans. Now a referral is not necessary. But! The place that does it needs to speak to my doc first before they will see me to even see if they think I qualify. I’ve got a message in with the doc, we will see how it goes.


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