Updates on the Life and Times of Blue

I really am going to make a conscious effort to post more often. I know I tend to disappear for months at a time and show up in spurts. It is just another sign of my patterns and mood fluctuations. I get so involved in something there is no time for anything else, or I get so drag ass that I can’t do anything. Feeling pretty good right now though. Meds are working and I feel stabler than I have in years. Almost 10 years now since my diagnosis. That’s a long time to climb up out of that hole of depression. There was a brief period during the move that I forgot to take my thyroid meds and I got very tired and run down, but I am doing better now. Thank God for coffee!

I am smoking again pretty regularly, not a pack a day or anything, but getting there. I am back up to 251 lbs and disappointed about that. Starting to feel motivated to work on my weight again and I’ll get back on track. It just sucks losing all that progress.

My oldest just had a stint in inpatient treatment again. She melted down and started talking about hurting herself. Oddly enough the Dr at the facility didn’t 100% feel her bipolar diagnosis was accurate. He seemed to feel that it was hormones and out of control ADHD. We have an appointment with her new psych doc at the end of the month and I’m going to push for meds for treating the ADHD. We will see how it goes.

I was working for a few months. Answering phones for Verizon and A Place For Mom. It went well and I found myself enjoying contributing to the household finances. It was too hard on the kids though. Morgan’s trip to inpatient was the final thing that forced my decision to quit. I may try again in the fall when my youngest starts all-day preschool. Keeping up with the minimum hours required, plus the house and kids, and my husband being all the way in Seattle left a little too much on my plate. I feel a lot of pressure and stress has lifted since I quit, my mood has definitely improved without the added burden.

Ceramics. I mentioned before that I’m going to help my mom set up her ceramics business. I’m enjoying it so far, immensely. So far we have taken a class on painting techniques and started cleaning and cataloging her slip cast molds.

I’m getting the hang of things and my painting is improving. I am making a run to Indiana Sunday for a pouring table and I’ll swing an hour out of my way to pick up about 300 pieces of bisque a lady is selling. Gotta love facebook marketplace. I’m snagging that pouring table for $30, it’s a steal, but a 3 hr drive. Day trip for mommy! Saturday we go to an open house at a local ceramics shop to experiment with wheel throwing and hand building. I’m uber excited. Then next weekend is the Midwest Ceramic Show. A two day event in Hamilton Ohio, just an hour from here. Unfortunately, I don’t have a sitter until halfway through the first day, so I’ll miss a class on underglazes I really wanted to take. We are meeting some local ladies for dinner after too, so we are starting to network and dip our toes in the ceramics community. Mom has been taking classes at a local shop on handbuilding and throwing clay and I am so jealous. I have always wanted to try it, but I have had no opportunity. Arranging for a sitter is difficult.

I had my youngest going to a sitter while I worked and she started crying everytime we were going so I nixed that, found another sitter she loved, but….and it’s a big but, the lady was rescuing pit bulls in the same house as my 4 yr old. When a couple got loose and killed her dog, I found out what was going on and nixed that one too. So I’m left with begging family for childcare and I hate burdening them for me to go to a ceramics class every week. I feel like for work it’s acceptable but for fun, less so.

I busted out the planner and accessories to keep up with everything that’s going on. I find that keeping everything organized nice and neatly in a planner makes it all feel organized in my head. That way I’m not obsessing about what’s going to happen or missing important appointments. Laying it all out in an orderly manner helps me stay grounded and less frazzled.

The weather is finally taking a turn for warmer and that has been a big boost to my mood. I always get cabin fever at the end of winter and spring fever when the weather shifts and the sunshine feels so good. I still use my sunlamps daily, just until summer gets here. I take my vitamin D with all my other meds like a good little girl.

I hope you all are doing well, and I will update again. Probably start talking about ceramics all the time. At least for a while, lol.

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